A Clear Midnight

A Clear Midnight

This is thy hour O Soul, thy free flight into the wordless,

Away from books, away from art, the day erased, the lesson done,

Thee fully forth emerging, silent, gazing, pondering the themes thou lovest best,

Night, sleep, death and the stars.

Walt Whitman

This is my own journey, and now rest from the world that was mine. I was an actor in a play, a lover whose world was changed by the word "cancer". In reality, the journey goes on, but now, it is my hour, my flight is not consumed by doctor's appointments, pharmaceuticals, fear and pain. I am free to ponder the themes my soul lovest best.

This writing is in honor of my husband, Peter Alan Holthe, who changed my life and changed my world. The greatest gift he gave to me was myself. Myself and humor, love, the art of play, food, wine and celebration of our common gift - life and people.

Our story was a story of risk-taking, of hope and optimism, of science and of God. Of people whose spirits extended far beyond and alongside their knowledge and talents.

Our families who rallied beside us. "Fucking cancer," one of his brothers always declared. Yes, use it as an adjective and as a command.

Peter's and my love for each other, and letting go. The courage to live, and the courage to let go. The courage to go on.

Peter made each day lovely. His bright spirit woke up with a song. "Morn' my Noren," he'd always say as we woke up. He attended to others, his gift was healing.

2011 - A new year. I'm going to keep writing, but writing here.